The Paradox of Fate: Surrendering Control to Truly Live
- Tiffany Andras
- Jul 15
- 5 min read
In stories across human history, from ancient Greek tragedies to modern fantasy series like Wheel of Time (a personal favorite!), a persistent archetype emerges: the one who glimpses their fate. Upon receiving a prophecy, a vision, or a warning, the character inevitably faces a choice: to give up or to fight it.
Almost always, the same pattern unfolds: It is not fate alone that dooms them. It is their desperate attempt to escape it that seals their destiny.
Their very acts of avoidance, control, and resistance weave the circumstances that bring the fate to fruition.
This paradox is not merely the stuff of fiction. It is the very fabric of human life.
As I sat in meditation this morning, a simple but profound realization arose: we are all the seer and the seen. Our minds are constant prediction engines, forecasting the future based on past experiences and present fears. Neuroscientific research on predictive coding shows that the brain operates by continuously generating expectations, striving to minimize the gap between what it predicts and what actually happens (Clark, 2013).
In essence, we are not living purely in the present moment; we are often living inside the story of what we believe is coming next.
And like the heroes of myth, our predictions - especially when born from fear - become self-fulfilling.
We anticipate failure, so we act with doubt, undermining our own success.
We fear abandonment, so we cling or distance, straining our relationships.
We dread pain, so we constrict our hearts, missing the beauty still available now.
Our mind, believing it sees the future, tightens around control. And in trying to force life into our preferred shape, we create the very outcomes we were most trying to avoid.
The inevitable question is:
Would the prophecy have come true if we had not fought it? Would the pain we feared have materialized if we had met life with trust instead of defense?
Psychological studies affirm this dilemma. Humans are deeply wired for control, especially under stress (Rothbaum, Weisz, & Snyder, 1982). Control promises safety, predictability, and mastery over uncertainty...or it least grants the illusion of it.
But the harder we grasp, the more rigid and brittle we become. Research shows that over-controlling behavior correlates with heightened anxiety, diminished resilience, and increased vulnerability when the unexpected inevitably occurs (Thompson, 1981).
In trying to guarantee outcomes, we disconnect from the organic unfolding of life, and from ourselves.
Our control does not prevent pain; it entangles us in it.
Our effort to avoid suffering becomes the very cause of it.
The Wisdom of Surrender
In Wheel of Time, the character Moiraine faces a prophecy of her death. Yet, unlike many, she does not thrash against it nor give up in defeat. She accepts it: she SURRENDERS. She lives in full pursuit of her purpose without denying the truth of her mortality.
And in doing so - through presence, not resistance - she transcends her fate.
This mirrors profound psychological truths.
Surrender is not passive. It is not giving up. True surrender is the radical acceptance of uncertainty paired with the courageous act of living from authenticity, love, and wisdom in each unfolding moment ([Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy]).
Research into mindfulness and acceptance-based therapies demonstrates that psychological flexibility: the ability to stay open to experience without rigid control, is one of the most powerful predictors of resilience, emotional health, and satisfaction (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).
When love or grief strikes, they crack open the illusion of control.
In love, we yield joyfully.
In grief, we yield painfully.
But in both, we fall awake. We return to the naked, uncontrollable beauty of what is here.
Watching Moraine be pulled from her relinquishing into surrender, watching her break free of her fate when grief pierced her into awakening also awakened something in me:
So many of us spend so much time fighting against life - swimming upstream - and being confused when every day leaves us feeling tired, drained, empty, confused, and unfilled. These beautiful minds seated in our skulls have predicted fates based on their narrow, incomplete understanding of the past and the present.
What the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo taught me is that the future we are fighting so hard to create or avoid is just a small piece of an enormous puzzle. What we think is an outcome, is only just the beginning.
Surrender. Is not about giving up. It about TRUST. Trusting that so much more than you could ever see is unfolding right in this moment. So many more things than you could possibly understand have come together to create where you are and where you are going.
"What you are resisting might just be your DREAMS coming into form." -Sarah Blondin
In the deepest sense, surrender is about trusting yourself - knowing that no matter what comes your way, you are strong enough, capable enough, and tender enough to handle it.
In these knowings, you can finally let go of the incessant battle against "fate" and enjoy the entire purpose of living: to live and to love and to laugh and to cry and to succeed and to fail and to feel everything there is to feel while leaving the world a little better than when you got here because that, that is what it means to be human.
So.
Today, just for today, what if you gave your mind the day off from its impossible task of managing every uncertainty? What if you fell awake into the sights, scents, textures, and tastes of the life blooming all around you?
Not to control. Not to anticipate. But to witness. To feel.
The river of life is moving, with or without your clenching. The wind is dancing, with or without your prediction.
In this moment, fate does not tighten its grip because it is cruel; it tightens because, in our habitual control, we bind ourselves.
If we, like Moiraine, can live with open hands instead of closed fists - if we can act not from fear but from love - then maybe, just maybe, we do not escape fate… we outgrow it.
Living Beyond Prophecy
So today, float not on the dread of what might come, but on the perfume of your own loving presence. Surrender not with defeat, but with devotion to the life that is truly here.
Let love, not fear, be the river you swim in. Let trust, not control, be the soil where you root.
And then, perhaps, you will find that you were never meant to fight fate after all...you were meant to live it awake: heart-open and soul-free.
May today you find freedom, love, and joy in the opening of your heart to the wisdom in surrender.
References
Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 36(3), 181–204.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.
Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878.
Rothbaum, F., Weisz, J. R., & Snyder, S. S. (1982). Changing the world and changing the self: A two-process model of perceived control. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 42(1), 5–37.
Thompson, S. C. (1981). Will it hurt less if I can control it? A complex answer to a simple question. Psychological Bulletin, 90(1), 89–101.
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